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 How do you tell your BEST FRIEND "it's time to buzz off?"

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Hanki
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PostSubject: How do you tell your BEST FRIEND "it's time to buzz off?"   Tue Jun 21, 2011 3:27 am

x.x
I've been wanting to say something along those lines for about a year now.
He's so sensitive that every scenario I've imagined, seems too mean.
It's not like I dislike him or anything, we've been BFFs for years and everything was fine up until his parents moved back home. (last year around this time or a little later.)

Let me start off by saying, I HATE clingy.. e.e I don't like being touched unless it's by my other half, and even then, if he's too clingy it annoys me.
Being my bestie, he knows all of that. However when he was sick I took care of him, even allowed him to sort of cuddle just because..
For a while I didn't mind, though he's been increasingly clingy ever since and I just can't take it anymore.

Now he bothers me for the smallest frigging things, it's so ridiculous.
Example: He's hungry and hasn't gone food shopping, he calls me up or text "hey.. omg! I'm friggin starrrrving"
Me: "....ok go get something to eat. ._." Him: "come with me. I'm not going by myself" x.x Sometimes I'd give him an excuse and his reply would be to wait till I'm done with whatever I'm doing so I can go with him.

He also bitches about very SINGLE thing, sometimes I just want to tell him to do something about it or just shut the hell up! I'm not a bad friend, I do after all put up with most of his crap and annoyance, even when I don't want to. I'm a person who LOVES being alone, I like my peace and quiet with no one around to say a word to me.. I don't even get ONE day to myself anymore. If he's not nagging me to come over, he's harassing me via phone. x.x

It's not even pleasant being around him anymore, since all he does is whine and complain like a little girl. e___e ...about everything, I seriously get into a foul mood whenever he's around.
The other day I got fed up and told him to stop leaning on me because it's really annoying. It was a little awkward since I never yell at him, but God.. x.x

Today, I avoided him completely. I like abandoned my phone Neutral JUST so I wouldn't have to get irritated. That didn't stop him from sending a billion texts though. Sigh. I just want it go back to how it was before all the CLINGY NEEDINESS. ._. and the constant complaining about the SAME trivial things.

<.< whenever it's 'that time of the month' I come close to blowing up on him. I don't want to be nasty or say mean things so I'd to get it out of the way before that happens.
So if any of you have any advice, please I'd love to hear it.

x.x
if I wanted to deal with all of this crap, I would've befriended a girl. :\
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Redbull Zombie
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PostSubject: Re: How do you tell your BEST FRIEND "it's time to buzz off?"   Tue Jun 21, 2011 4:29 am

Honest opinion? just accept it and brush it off, real friends don't get aggressive to another friends faults. try listening to a relaxing song like this one


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PostSubject: Re: How do you tell your BEST FRIEND "it's time to buzz off?"   Tue Jun 21, 2011 5:40 am

I can't tell you how to "restore" your former relationship. I am, however, an expert at:
1. Severing ties
2. Pushing people away
3. Ignoring people

If that's the kind of advice you're after, read on.

Guys are (predominantly) simple. Something is exactly what it looks/seems like, and there's no underlying message. ie. Be direct, be blunt, do NOT beat around the bush. Tell them exactly what you think/feel.

Let him know where he stands. Never initiate or respond to his "clingy" crap. If he stands/moves close to you, move away. If he tries to hug you or touch you, either move away or push him away (and violence is an option, as long as you don't overdo it).

Ignore him. When he texts you, don't respond. If he calls you, don't pretend you're busy, just say you're not interested or you don't want to go. If he questions why you're avoiding him (and he eventually will, or rather he soon will, given his character), this is your chance.
"You're too clingy"
"You're no fun to be around anymore"
"I need space"
"I don't have time for you anymore"

Don't use friends as a medium immediately. Wait until the process has already begun, ideally after he asks why you're ignoring him. After a while you can use friends as a buffer, and I don't mean "I'm hanging out with x so I can't hang out with you, rather they can be used to soften the blow of your attacks.
eg. "x says you've been ignoring him lately."
"Yeah, well, he's been so clingy. He's been such a faggot lately."
"I... see."
If said friend then speaks to him, they'll elaborate on your explanation, maybe even add some perspective.
"She's right, you've become WAY too reliant on her"

Don't acknowledge them. Don't call them. Don't go out of your way to do things or go to places where they will be. If they don't get the point after a while, even lash out at them.

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Hanki
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PostSubject: Re: How do you tell your BEST FRIEND "it's time to buzz off?"   Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:14 am

>_< I am a real friend, however I have a life outside of this friendship and he's been invading that lately. It's natural that I would get a little peeved off.

I'll go with Koro on this, and be forward about it. I'd much rather for us come to an understanding than for me to remain grumpy around him.

Thanks guys
x.x Tomorrow should be interesting.

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PostSubject: Re: How do you tell your BEST FRIEND "it's time to buzz off?"   Wed Jun 22, 2011 3:12 am

Haha, I love reading these life stories on here. The beginning of koros response cracked me up im. Exactly the same way.

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PostSubject: Re: How do you tell your BEST FRIEND "it's time to buzz off?"   Sat Jun 25, 2011 10:15 am

its scary to become koro's friend..

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PostSubject: Re: How do you tell your BEST FRIEND "it's time to buzz off?"   Sat Jun 25, 2011 11:55 am

if he gets clingy you could always kick him in the balls lol say it was self defense haha
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Hanki
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PostSubject: Re: How do you tell your BEST FRIEND "it's time to buzz off?"   Fri Jul 01, 2011 1:50 am

z_z'
In the end, I didn't say anything to him.
I couldn't.
When I met up with him he had a very depressing experience to share with me. (I won't go into details, but he did something incredibly foolish and paid the price for it. Though it could happen to anyone. I wish he would use common sense more often.. )

Even in the silence, I did the best I could do and that was to simply be there for him.
I don't know how to comfort people when they feel like their world's caving in.. Guess that's normal for someone whose always been self-reliant.

I digress so much z.z
Meh, can't be helped, ranting is in some way my self-therapy.
What was I saying again? x.x I don't know, I can't remember.
..
..
hmm hold on, I'm taking a short break.
wth was I saying? If my eyes didn't feel like they were about to fall out of my head I'd scroll up and check. >.o
..
I'm beyond fatigued, so give me a moment.
OH! While I haven't confronted him yet, I have given myself a week off from him.
It feels nice to have this time to myself, however I can't stop thinking about him.. "maybe I should text just to say hi, let him know I'm alive."

So tired, I really need to get some sleep.
That's easier said than done. z.z
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PostSubject: Re: How do you tell your BEST FRIEND "it's time to buzz off?"   Fri Jul 01, 2011 2:33 am

Don't cave in now. You have to stick to it if you want to enjoy the freedom you felt for that one week more often. Distract yourself if necessary; you have no obligation towards him, nor should you feel as such.

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PostSubject: Re: How do you tell your BEST FRIEND "it's time to buzz off?"   Fri Jul 01, 2011 4:31 am

Never initiate any kind of conversation with him, no matter how depressed he may be. It will lead the guy to think you care a lot about him and just gave him a whole week alone to cheer up.

What has really surprised me is...doesn't he want you to be his GF (plz tell me you're a girl :p)?
Redbull's advice is a no go. A friend must not annoy you nor force you to do anything. Should just politelity ask once and that's it. Even though it may be hard on him (and probably you), the best way is to text him among those lines:

Hi, you've gotten far too clingy and annoying lately so please leave me alone for a while.
Tested and approved.

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Hanki
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PostSubject: Re: How do you tell your BEST FRIEND "it's time to buzz off?"   Sun Jul 03, 2011 4:51 pm

>_<; No, I won't cave. I enjoy my alone time, but I'm not trying to get rid of him completely. My goal is to see him 3-4 times a week.

Haha! Yes, Yuki, I am a girl ^^; and he's completely and utterly gay.
When it comes down to it, he's only this way (annoying) because he has no one else to kill time with. ._. I'm his ONLY friend, he's ok harassing me everyday and that's fine because it's OK to "plague" your "bestfriend".
I'm sure that's how he sees it. Even more so, now that he doesn't have (name), a co-worker he is/was in love with to occupy his time..
It's not like he's even brokenhearted, he doesn't need to SEE me everyday because he's sad and need to be with a friend, he lives literally 5 minutes away from me (that's walking
distance) so it's CONVENIENT for him when he doesn't want to stay home. (which is ALWAYS)

He would much rather come to my place and sleep than stay at his and sleep. x.x
It makes no sense to me at all. Why would you want to be bored at someone else's home than be comfortably bored at you OWN home? I really want to ask.

<_< So instead of watching anime or reading manga or walking around naked, I have to entertain him. (EVERYDAY!!!!!!) Oh I just got a text from him "Can I come?"
TODAY is one of those days where I just want to be alone and relax. I'm saying just that. ._.

Oh I don't really walk around naked. O_O but if I wanted to, I still couldn't.. >> in my own home, I have no damn privacy. Bah, I'm getting irritated.

I'm going to be blunt..

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PostSubject: Re: How do you tell your BEST FRIEND "it's time to buzz off?"   Sun Jul 03, 2011 5:42 pm

3-4 times a week? you call that freedom? o.O

well, if i were in your situation, i just would just tell him, that i don't wanna see him if i don't wanna see him :oP

if hes a friend u can build on, he will understand, if not he is not worth your time...

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Hanki
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PostSubject: Re: How do you tell your BEST FRIEND "it's time to buzz off?"   Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:55 pm

XD it is compared to 7! I'm slowly "weaning" him.
Also, saying no is coming natural to me now. ^^;
I should be fine from here. cheers
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